Thursday, May 6, 2010

anyhow....

So here I am, desperately trying to finish up a school year before a big trip to COlorado for my littlle sister's hs graduation and then drive to my f.i.l. farm in Arkansas, I think we have something along the lines of senioritis, you know, where the last few weeks of school seem to drag on and on and on like there is no end in sight? I have made a few decisions about the kids schooling next year and hope it goes according to my plans, I think I may need to consult God before going ahead with these plans but as of right now, M will go to the local hs, D will go to a christian based private middle school, and I will homeschool the 3rd grader and kindergardener!
I am going to rely on God's strength, power, energy & whatnot to get me through another year in the homeschooling world...I do get a break tomorrow as all kids will be at preschool, middle school and STAR testing, I will try not to enjoy it too much as Saturday brings chaos and running around Monterey county doing soccer, baseball, and various other activities that require all of my focus and energy, and of course, Monday that brings me the usual run of the mill Monday activities!
Today is National Day of Prayer (May 6, 2010) and I am wondering where my God stands on many things, especially the chaos that is happening in our country/world....the hunger that people suffer from, is there an end for them? People who are homeless, will they have a home to go to each night some day? The nasty political wars that are going on and the fight to see who is more right than the other! I become physically sick when I hear about people and their troubles and I feel completely weak in what to do to help. I know my God has called me for such a time as this but really? I am not into politics, I am not in to world news or current events but I am feeling pulled to find out more about what is going on so I can have an educated conversation aobut it, not just dodging the talks because I find them all "stupid and stressful"....tha tis another thing, I have enough anxiety for an entire city and to get involved in these things brings on more stress so I really have to watch what I get myself into!
Here is my prayer for today...that my God stands firm w/ his believers and loves us through our triumphs and trials, that He guides the world, especially our country, through the nonsense that is going on that we have broiught on ourselves...I pray He is who He says He is, yesterday, today & tomorrow, that we are Christ folowers, stand up for what is right and what He believes in (not just an opinion on how it should be so we benefit) but what the bible says it should be! I pray for health & continued healing in the physical, spritual and mental relms...that He reveils Himslef to me more than I could ever imagine and He blesses me w/ more than enough!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

new....

All things are made new, according to scripture...long long ago, ok, not that long ago but over thirteen years ago, I gave my life to Christ, now to many of you, that means nothing and to some all it means is that I am "one of those hypicrytical people who finds the bad in others and puts themself above others". Well, no, I actually find more bad inside me than I could possibly point out in another! I have had trouble lately, well, for most of my life, trying to "figure out" where I fit in or figuring out "what I want to be when I grow up"...I ran across this website that had a great article about "trash-to-treasure miracles" and it really got me thinking, I need to get out what has happened to me in life and basically get over it, ok, some things you can't very well "get over" but I think talking about certain things helps speed up the healing process. I keep saying I want to write a book, I just do not have the time, in reality, I might have more time than some professional writers have! Being a SAHM does have its perks!
I have a long to-do list for the comig weeks, months & years and I am hoping it gives me a new perspective on things, stuff to plan, make goals, accomplish them hopefully. I know life happens and we all have hold-ups & hang-ups but I am trying my hardest to get past my past and move forward with my life!

Friday, March 26, 2010

UUUGGGG....

Yep, that is my start to this, "UGG"...I am just in a low low valley right now & waiting on the Lord to provide on many things! I am trying to excersize my patience in this period of waiting but have you ever waited on something you want so badly that it hurts? I deal with so many things on a daily basis that I can barely keep my head above water, or so it seems.
Medical issues that I have been diagnosed with but not finding a good doctor that can help me find relief, even take the edge off of my constant pain would be a step in the right direction but putting me on the max dose of two different meds (that are classified as antidepressants) that cause excessive weight gain & being numb to the world, NOT my kind of answer.
My marriage on the rocks, yes, twelve years of my life I feel like I have been following my husband around the country, like a lost puppy, for him to achieve his goals of becoming an officer and earning his master's....I feel as though, I have adjusted & adapted to every situation that we have been put in (or I have been alone to deal with during deployments) and what do I get, not much, do I get medals or awards or even a mere recognition from anyone? NOPE, I get four kids (yes, I chose to have them) in the next few years to teach them how to drive, send to high school, middle school and kindergarten BY MYSELF!!! It isn't fair, what did I do to deserve this life, I thought when I gave my life to the Lord that I would be walking through life in a bubble that protected me! Okay, that sounds a little ridiculous BUT I really did think my life would be easier...noone told me about trials, tribulation & hardships but boy have I learned that those things do exist and if I am not strong enough to fight through them, I will be torn down!
Right now my focus is ME, yes, it sounds a little selfish but hey, I am thirty and have do everything I have done for others, I need to figure out who & what I am and where my place is in this world! I am trying to take care of myself by seeing a counselor, taking myself off medicine that does not work (under dr. supervision), taking a cake decorating class and scuba diving classes after that!
Please pray for me & my family, these are trying times for everyone in this world and I do know there are so many out there that have it so much worse off than me but if you are reading this, I hope you care about me & my family and would care enough to pray for us, even if it is "Lord, give the Garner's a break, Amen" that would be fabulous.....until next time.....GOD BLESS!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

hhhmmmm....

I always think of titles for books or chapters of a book or Facebook posts but when it comes time to actually title these things, I got nothin'....anyhow, a few months ago, a diagnosis of fibromyalgia was bestowed upon me, I though "YAY, I can finally figure some stuff out, maybe have better luck losing weight now that we know what is going on and get some of the right meds to help me function better", well, that is what I thought & hoped for, this has not been the case, I have seen many doctors with varying opinions and prescriptions from a max dosage of not one but two antidepressants to a bottle of ninety vicodin. What has this brought me, strife in my marriage, anger towards this pain throughout my body, more depression, unreasonable stress on the family to pick up where I leave off and do things that I used to ba able to take care of but not am in too much pain to do!!!
So now that I have that off my chest, I am going to try a new thing, look at the bright side of things, love & honor the God that I believe will bring me relief from this pain and repair the damage done to anyone involved......I am trusting that He, my Lord & savior, is still on the throne and in charge of every living thing, is still going to be with me whether it is sunny & warm outside or raining and gloomy outside....I know that He is my source, relief, medicine, armor, healing, Father, & most of all, my strength for another day in this ugly world that has so much hurt & anger that it really does not need another hurting & angry person out there....until next time....<3 in His name!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

plod on plod on plod on....

After years of pain I finally have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia! This may sound weird but if you go undiagnosed for many years for some unexplained pains (usually debilitating) and numerous other issues that do not all fit together, you would go crazy! Yes, I went crazy a long time ago BUT now that I have a clear picture of what is and has been going on, I can move on.
I have paired up with several doctor's for my care, one of whom I am totally in love with, well, not literally but when I go see her, she works her amazing magic and gets to the exact problem area and literally fixes it? Now I am not sure that is even possible but the past two times I have seen her, I am pain free in a particular area that have been pretty painful for over a year & a half, and stay pain free for two days! She also keep bringing me more informational sheets that she has from books about treatment & triggers to share w/ my family. If you suffer from chronic pain, a physical therapist should be on your team of doctors to get you on the road to healing. I also have my regular dr. that is "so-so" in my treatment plan (I might have a few ideas for her tomorrow, like, do not hand over a month or so supply of narcotics to someone who needs more than that). There is the rheumatologist that diagnosed me, he is, umm, older & wiser, so I am hoping his wisdom gets me somewhere better than ripping a big hole in my stomache with 2400 mg. of motrin a day! My journey has just begun with this disease but God willing I will kick it in the butt and come out on the other end a better person. My goal is to not let it debilitate me and keep me from doing things that I have wanted to do for years and haven't because of pain.
Thank you all for reading and I will keep you posted about treatment & whatnot!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

what now.....

So I have once again venture into the world of homeschooling....w/ my boys, fifth & second grade! We decided to go with a virtual academy here in Cali, they provide all materials, including a computer & printer! We are slowly getting used to it all and we might be doing things wrong but will not know it until our advising teacher comes to visit in October. Who knows if this is the best thing for us all, but it is what I felt God was calling me to do especially since the public school system is not all that great here, I just jumped in feet first & started schooling them....
the k12 curriculum is fabulous and is so involved & so much teaching & learning that we literally can not get it all done in one day, yet, I am sure we will get into the groove of things and get it all
whipped out in a day...that is what I am hoping for anyhow!!! I am exausted at the end of the day and would love nothing more than to take naps every day and scrapbook since I have my stuff set up next to the boys but it is way too much schooling to do anything but school.
Anyhow, I am going through some medical issues right now and would love prayers for healing and a clear diagnosis...we can not treat things if there is no diagnosis! Well, that is about all right now, I miss my WA friends tons right now, I just have superficial friends right now and no one to
really have crying, all out there talks with...and I miss that! "Hang in there" is what I keep telling myself and "He will see my through" but some times, other peoples kind words go a long way in my life...I love & hope everyone in my path gets something from me, I hope my life is for more than this mundane stuff that is consuming me.....

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

STAMPS, STAMPS & MORE STAMPS.....








As a military wife, some of us, if not all, have ventured into some sort of home based business. I have tried both Stampin' Up! & Longaberger, not that either of them made me rich but I did enjoy meeting new people and sharing my craftiness. Here are a few leftovers from a "make room for the new sets" sale I had, there are tons and I missed the sale of an $85 kit so I now have to pay full price for the full starter set! Anyhow, I am excited to get started again and share their goodies. Contact me if you see anything you want, I will ship anywhere if you can help w/ shipping costs.....thanks everyone!